Or so I’ve heard.
So here I go. Better out than in I suppose.
I’m static standing in the same place everyday,
It’s just me and these four walls, sometimes I want to run or scream for help -but I don’t.
Sometimes it’s as though it would just be easier to make doors out of windows -but I don’t.
I’m just there, watching from a screen and making an appearance at life.
And it really is a sinking feeling, and I don’t know what stops me from doing something- but I don’t.
I’m unmotivated, unsure and anxious and scared about everything, moving on, staying here, and life
I’m so afraid of life.
I’m scared I’ll fail again so I don’t try
It’s not right but it’s easier
The days seem meaningless, everything seems so pointless
I’ve even thought about not waking up, letting my body just shut down like it wants to, lie and hope that someone comes looking for me.
There’s a million fears but the crippling one that keeps me from sleeping is being alone- for the rest of my life
The kind of self inflicted loneliness, cause loneliness is a choice and I choose to shut people out, disconnect myself from them
Procrastination aids my sense of discouragement.
I make excuses, avoid the inevitable.
Irrational things invade my thinking so I can longer think of anything but my fears.
(Freaky thought that I wrote this 4 Years ago yet for some reason never posted it. Yet it is as relevant to me right now.)